This pregnancy was emotionally tougher. Yes - This crazy unthinkable pandemic has hit the whole world locking us into our houses, having to perform at home with homeschooling, home cooking, home working, home _ _ _ing for everything for a few months...I didn't realise until I was actually in labour that I have also been quite affected by this whole new dynamic both physically and mentally.

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Since the birth of my 2nd child, I was driven by the passion to empower other women to give birth fearlessly to their babies having experienced myself a wonderful birth. I had experienced hypnobirthing myself and knew exactly what to do, how to do it and all and felt so ready and confident. Which I truly was.

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I had religiously practised my breathing, listened to my positive relaxing MP3s daily, did some prenatal yoga, tried to rest whenever I could. Then the Covid-19 came with its whole new round of changes and had to work harder with little rest.

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This time, I had decided to keep my baby's gender a surprise until birth. Yes! And I managed the whole surprise thing so well, it was NOT challenging at all. I really surprised myself. I was so connected to my baby anyway so it didn't matter.

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My pregnancy went very well, had no issues whatsoever, kept on being active and working throughout.

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Then I hit 40 weeks and my baby would not come out- no sign of labour apart from my regular Braxton Hicks contractions that I had experienced throughout my three pregnancies.

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My doctor suggests doing a membrane sweep which I refused (bad souvenir). I know my baby will come on his own term. I was very patient and confident.

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She respected my choice and tell me to wait another week before induction...oh God this word didn't sound good to my ear at all.

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To avoid induction, I started doing all the things on the list...nothing happened. My girl was still not ready to meet us.

The last few days I consciously gave up and decided to deeply trust that things will unfold as they should. And they did.

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The day before my last appointment with my doctor to set the induction...labour started after lunch. I was so grateful and so relieved! My body and my baby were working together. I was riding each wave with happiness and gratefulness. Bouncing on my yoga ball, running after my boys, cooking dinner and resting here and there.

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The sunsets and I feel the surges have still pretty much the same intensity. By 10 pm they get somewhat stronger and I start packing to head to the hospital. This is when I wished I had a Doula, so she could monitor the time and take care of me etc…I decided to go to the hospital just because I could not relax at home since I knew I would have to go at some point...Which I should not have done since hospitals stress me out.

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I was secretly hoping for a crazy unexpected (yet expected) birth in the car...but didn't happen. I know- it sounded crazy but my dream was to have a nice home cosy, water birth but hey we can't do that in the UAE. So, I thought a nice birth in the car, or in the elevator or wherever outside the hospital would also be good. Ahah. None of this happened-

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We reached the hospital, I get checked and found out that  I was 3-4 cm dilated...Oh. I thought... I was a bit disappointed. But I remembered that it did not matter. I stayed active, listened to my mp3s and to some relaxation music.

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3 am - my doctor comes - I am now 4-5 cm...(5 hours after being checked). It felt like forever, what slow labour but that was how it was meant to be. I knew the hospital atmosphere was not helping me. It was such a 'medicalised' room, so cold and so not welcoming. I honestly just wanted to be in my own environment.

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I felt the fatigue overtaking me and it became very challenging to keep up with the surges and breathing.

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I spoke to my doctor. She asked me if I want any pain-killer I replied no obviously. I want to fully embrace and live my Labour and Birth. 

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After about half an hour, I still feel like my surges have the same intensity and I do know they need to get stronger so my baby can finally come out. I discuss with my husband and decide to request for my waters to be broken...It did work for me for my previous birth so I was pretty confident it will work too this time.  I definitely needed a little helper being so fatigue. I wanted to keep my energy for the transition.

 

She breaks my water and yes- it did work again for me- my surges got very much more intense. This is where I let go and trusted my body and baby. I have faith. I transformed into a lioness and roared through the last surges. Thanks to the support of my loving husband and an amazing midwife Josephine (loved her) I got to keep on focusing on my breathing and visualising my baby's descent. My doctor had left already at this point.

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I decide to stand up to get gravity to help my baby engaging further down into my pelvis. It works beautifully and I feel that 'poo-poo' pressure once again. I tell the midwife and she calls my doctor back. It is super intense I am not going to lie here.

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I get offered some gas and air to relax even more. Never tried it before and was not too sure how it could help really but accepted. And I loved it, (I even remembered asking to take it home with me ahah). I felt so high... and oh yeah again so much more relaxed. It felt like smoking weed for the little analogy. Ahah (which I don't consume by the way).

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Few surges later, minutes, my doctor arrives. She wants to check me and ask me to lie down on the bed- That's it- I am fully dilated...and things got moving so fast. Get the urge to push, push gently as I was very focused on avoiding tearing.

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At this point I wanted to go back to my standing position as I really wanted not to give birth onto my back...but hey my baby's head was already out. I got asked to push even harder for the body to be born. I DO NOT listen purposely.

 

This was my birth and my body and didn't feel the need to push forcibly at this point. I take a break, breath and relax. The next and last surge comes in and I know and feel this is time to help my baby a little and push. I gather all that remaining energy and strength that I have left to give the last push. Contrary to some women I did not push like 'I never did' before. I just pushed hard, but I could have pushed harder.

 

I feel my baby's body coming out and my vagina stretching even more. And there it comes, my little baby girl was born!

 

Such a joy, such a relief, such an accomplishment. I remembered taking her onto my chest getting rid of any piece of clothing I had left so I could feel her skin against mine. I burst in tears of joy shouting thank you to everyone featured with ears in the hospital. Ahah

 

I then checked if I was having a girl or a boy since I didn't even care to know right away. I see it's a girl and cried even more thanking God for his magic. I would have not imagined being so happy to have a girl, to be honest since I thought I was really so deep in love with my boys.

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I was so glad to only find out the gender at birth and until now I keep on discovering my feelings for her and I am loving it. I loved the uncertainty and the strong bond I had created with her from the womb. In the end, love is always love.

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We wait for the umbilical cord to stop pulsating. I guess it took about 20min or so... My husband is so happy to get to cut the umbilical cord. Then, I feel the placenta descending right into my vagina with a last surge. I give a gentle push to help its descent. Such a beautiful placenta!

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I was determined to keep it this time around and requested to save it in the fridge and brought it home.

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And there we were, 2 girls and 3 boys, ready to build some more souvenirs. 

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I love you, my baby girl.

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