This Birth was definitely not what I had imagined or wished for despite having the chance to have a vaginal birth and avoiding a C-section. I was very grateful and still am till this day.

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At 39 weeks pregnant, everything was going OK but my baby boy didn't seem to be ready to be born. In fact, his head was slightly tilted and not entirely facing down. My doctor mentioned that I will not be able to give birth naturally if his head remains in this position but that she will do everything that she can to avoid a C-section as babies sometimes adopt the right position during labour and transition. I was very confident somehow that my baby would know what to do at the right time. And he did. Bless him.

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40 weeks, baby still does not want to come out and still has his head tilted up, and of course, we now talk about induction...At that point, I had heard that is was more 'painful' than regular contractions/surges. I asked my doctor if it was the case. She replied: 'no it's exactly the same'...(she had no clue... and never gave birth by the way).

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She decides to do a membrane sweep which I accepted hoping to avoid an induction...yes- it was very uncomfortable and didn't work- My Baby will still not make a move- no signs of labour-nothing at all.

 

A few days later (can't really remember how many) she offers to do another and last sweep. We did. Same thing: nothing is happening.

 

My amniotic liquid also had started to diminish slightly so she recommends firmly to proceed and book the hospital. And here comes the induction...

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Anyhow, I do accept being a bit clueless myself at this stage. The following day, hospital booked at midnight (for insurance purposes) and here we go. My husband and I heading to the Hospital.

 

I was exhausted- Honestly dead tired- Somehow I was very stressed for some other personal stuff and was not getting any sleep towards the end of my pregnancy. I remember asking myself: how am I gonna do it with this level of fatigue?

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I remembered being disappointed not to have a 'surprise' Birth...How boring and predictable this will be just driving nicely to the hospital to make things happen... Why nature was not on my side? I wondered many times.

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I arrived there and the midwife introduced a tablet behind my cervix- It hurt!

 

And BOUM within 20 min-30 min 'they' started...Yes, my contractions- no, these were not beautiful waves of serenity...but brutal contractions that came full force with no warnings-

 

I was not prepared for such a sudden' start'. I was barely making it being half tired and panicky. They were coming back to back with only a few seconds of rests- Yes seconds- not minutes. Didn't even get the chance to catch up my breath-

 

I thought to my self 'hmm, I've heard contractions come closer to one another towards the end of labour, is that already time? Is Birth imminent?' (this was probably 2 to 3 hours after having had the tablet inserted behind my cervix).

 

I request to be checked by the midwife hoping for 'good news'. She said I was only 3cm dilated...oh nope, definitely not 'time yet'. She also tells me that I will be shouting for the epidural soon... (what a way to condition a labouring woman initially aiming for a non-medicated Birth!...).

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She gave me an injection in the bottom as a pain-killer, I don't even remember what it was...It makes me nauseous and I feel a very strong urge to push- I am completely lost- I don't understand what's going on in my body...Already time to 'push'?

 

I ask the midwife if my contractions will get stronger and she said yes...this is when I  ask for an epidural. My surges still would not give me a minute of rest... Until now I do not know.  Would my contractions have been stronger or remain at the same level of intensity during an induction? Only God knows.

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Nevertheless, while waiting for the anaesthetist to come, my contractions keep on coming with no rest- It was hard-so hard.

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The epidural was something I was afraid of being scared of needles. The anaesthetist was also very stressful and kept on repeating: 'This is critical - do not move, this is critical, do not move' Oh my Gooodd. I thought. I listened and didn't move a single hair...

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Within half an hour, magic happened not the kind of magic I initially wished for though. It worked. I did not feel anything at all- I was put in a bed and got some sleep with my husband.

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Around Lunchtime, my doctor arrives and makes fun of me: 'Oh, you got the epidural, we knew it..."

 

I wanted to reply: 'Oh you lied B*** Yes, induction is not the same as natural labour!

 

Well, that was my very personal experience though, maybe it can be different from women to women.

 

When she checks me I am 7cm dilated and baby is still not in the right position. I am happy. She keeps on being positive and says once again that my Baby might adopt the right position soon. And eventually, he did! (well done my love).

It is now time: My cervix has fully dilated my Baby is finally in the right position- Blu dress on, gloves on and masks on. The typical movie-like scenario that I so wanted to avoid is planted. 

 

Guided pushing, telling me what to do, when to stop pushing, when to breathe. Well, you got it. At that point- I don't feel any pain, any sensation at all in my lower body-nothing- It was like being half-dead. Which I didn't want initially as I was really avoiding any pain-killer so I could 'feel my Baby', feel my Body, feel Myself, feel Birth. Give birth according to my own terms, not based on somebody else's 'guidance' telling me what to do...

 

In the pushing stage, I was blessed enough to actually 'feel' my baby's head gently slide through the Birth canal, breaking through earthside. That was completely pain-less- It just felt like I was doing a massive poo. Was it the epidural' effects still doing its job or actually diminishes after 13 hours? Or was it just me being so relaxed as I knew 'I would not have any pain'? I am still not too sure...  

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And then, here it comes, after 2, 4 good pushes, my Baby was born! I burst in tears. Tears of joy, happiness, contentment. I became a mother. I had my Baby. Such glory! Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to do skin-to-skin with my boy... They took him right away from me to do some medical unnecessary stuff on the table away from me...It felt like edges...

 

Then, they put him over that horrible blue hospital dress I was wearing...and finally I got to feed him and be bare chest and connect with my baby.

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I remember till now his shy look looking over me while sucking on my breast. I love you so much, so deeply I said to him. And so we begin our journey together.

 

I love you, my first son. 

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